Recently, I ended some relationships and noticed that for a long time I thought the way I loved and cared for them was right. I wanted them to love me so that I had given them all the things they needed and to be people-pleasing to long for the love back from them or to be included in their heart. That is the conditional love: you continually hide your feelings, emotions, even yourself. Nevertheless, if the person truly loves you, they will love you unconditionally. When you hurt, they will hold you, you can tell them you are not good right now, you need them to be around, and you can tell them you feel left out. As Madeleine Albright said:
“You have to practice the skill of disappointing people. If you are always nice, if you are always people pleasing, it’s not going to get you very far. Disappointing is a matter of growth. If you are always afraid of disappointing people, one, that means you don’t find that they are emotionally strong enough for it. Two, it means that you find yourself so important and vital to their mental health, to their lives, that you have to baby walk them, hold their hand through every single conversation. Disappointing people is hard because everybody is a recovering people pleaser. If you’re going to people please, at least make sure one of them is you.”
I am the person who needs to be forgiven for the times I tried to be people-pleasing, tried to be loved. Sorry me.
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